Ok Tata!!

The latest India Today features it's power list with 50 most powerful people in the country. When the book came home, i immediately thought Mukesh Ambani would be heading the list with bro Anil coming in Second. Imagine my surprise (and delight) to see them placed 2 and 3 respectively.
So, who headed the list? Our very own Ratan Tata!!!!
Having worked with Tata group for a few years, i've been a great fan of the man ever since! It is truly heartening to see this fantastic individual heading the Magic Circle 50 Power people in India
http://indiatoday.digitaltoday.in/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&issueid=43&id=5173&Itemid=1&sectionid=30

When the government says India is Shining, it is because of scions like Tata that it is.
The first line in India today says "Because he makes us proud to be Indian". How true!! Here's a quick fact file

• Joined the Tata Group in December 1962, when he was sent to Jamshedpur to work at Tata Steel. He worked on the floor along with other blue-collar employees, shovelling limestone and handling the blast furnaces.
• Was named Chairman of Tata Industries in 1981
• Took over from JRD as Group Chairman in 1991
• In 1998, launched the first indigenious car in India, the Indica
• In 2000, bought out Tetley Tea UK for 432 Mn US$ to form the World's 2nd Largest Tea company! The largest deal then.
• Bought out the troubled Daewoo Commercial Vehicle company for 102 Mn $
• In 2007, Tata acquired Corus Steel- An Anglo-Dutch steel and aluminium producer for 52000 Crore!
• Lauched the Tata Nano on Jan 10 2008 at the Auto Expo at New Delhi!
• Among the 25 Most powerful people in Business according to Fortune Magazine Nov 2007
  
• Honorary Doctorate from the London School of Economics
  
• Over 50% of his 25 Billion $ Turnover comes from his international business!
  

And now to the truly exciting part!

• Tata has bid for a takeover of The world's best known super-car manufacturer Ferrari!!
• He has also finalised bids for 2 super brands - Landrover and Jaguar from Ford Motor Company, amounting to 2 Billion $!!
  

There are many many more!! For the complete list, take a look at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tata_Group#Tata_takeovers_and_targets

There are many things that make us feel proud to be an Indian. Ratan Tata gives us the same feeling!! Gone are the days when Indians were considered to be the best employees worldwide! Now, it is time for us to be the best Business owners worldwide! And Tata is paving the way!
I'm actually looking forward to seeing Tata takeover Ferrari!!!!
Jai Tata!

Big Blogging!!!

Since morning today, i've been absolutely jobless!!
So, I decided to explore Google and Wikipedia. Somewhere along the way, i stumbled across a top result which came in from a Blog!! Intrigued, i went on to research the most popular blogs!! And My God! What a treasure trove of information we have in the form of Blogs!!!
What i've realised today is that almost the entire internet is being fueled by amateurs! And gone are the days of people posting nonsense. Nowadays, bloggers pride themselves on posting genuine information which is almost as good as any certified encyclopedia we can buy in the market!!!
Still unconvinced? Think Wikipedia (www.wikipedia.com), which is edited and managed entirely by people like us! In fact, i went online today and edited a couple of articles which were out of date!!
Now, i searched Google for "most popular blogs" and the blogs which came up were - Amazing!!!
So, i won't rant on about them! Instead, i've put up links to the most popular blogs here in the links column on my blog!
Take a look, you're sure to be blown away!! Especially remember that each of these blogs was done up by one person each only!

The Rajasthan Effect!

This was to be expected!!
We just spent 10 beautiful days in the unbelievable state of Rajasthan! How can one not come back enchanted? When i look back at the trip, there's one thing that keeps striking me - The superb resilience of the Human spirit!
Living in a place which has been endowed by nature in multiple ways, it is easy for us to comment on life. In a state like Rajasthan, where more than 50% of the state is a desert, where the average rainfall is one of the lowest in the country, and where the weather is a constant enemy, the people are still unimaginably colourful!!
In fact, Rajasthan has been the state that's been attracting the maximum number of foreign tourists for a long long time (only recently has Kerala piqued it for the top spot). For a state that has the most impossibly bleak landscapes, attracting the max number of tourists itself is a matter of pride!
They say "if life gives you lemons, make lemonade". Rajasthan was given Sandstone and have they used it or what!! Wherever we look, even in the smallest village, we'll find some Fort, Haveli, Gate or even a small Bungalow made with Sandstone! No wonder, Jaipur's called the Pink City (Sandstone is naturally pink in colour)
Standing on top of Jaisalmer Fort, it is an experience in itself to see the whole city in uniform Pink!
Nature made Rajasthan in Mono Colour. So, the people made their own lives Multi-Colour. Where else can you imagine finding clothes in such varied hues and the weaves there have actually become a symbol of Indian Clothing the world over. It is a fantastic experience to see these brightly dresses people contrast against the bleak desert landscape!! Even the Camels and the Elephants are dressed colourfully!
Nature did not give the state a lot of land to farm upon. So, people, led by the kings there, built Huge Forts, which took up generations to construct and made gifted artisans out of ordinary people. It is a wonder to see Huge constructions in the middle of nowhere! When driving back to Delhi, we even saw winding long protective walls across the hills! God only knows what they were built to protect! Atleast, people had work to do and food to eat!!!
There's much more to write about this wonderful state, but i guess i'll do it in another article!
Overall, apart from increasing my faith in the Human Race, Rajasthan has treated us to sights that the eyes still have'nt got over, Food that the taste buds still gush about and Hospitality that makes me think when i can go back to it again!!

Taare Zameen Par - Different Versions! Too good :)

Hi-- I've not written this article. This came to me by mail and i just just cutted and putted it!! :)
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If Karan Johar made Taare Zameen Par
Obvious starcast:
Shah Rukh Khan as the arts teacher (duh duh duh!!).
Aryan Khan as the dyslexic child (even if he could not act for
nuts).
Rani Mukerjee as the kid's mom (assuming Kajol is unavailable).
Abhishek Bachchan as the kid's dad.
Amitabh Bachchan as the school principal (who cares if the role is
ultra minute, he can afford it).
It would be shot in New York to appeal to the NRI audience.
The story line would obviously be different. SRK would fall for the
dyslexic kid's mom. The last scene would have the mom running to the
teacher rather than the kid. And again, like in so many other
movies, SRK would get someone else's girl.
It would have one dance number.
The film would be titled ' Kuch Taare Zameen Par.'

If Sanjay Leela Bhansali made Taare
Obvious starcast:
Salman as the teacher.
Rani as the mother.
Of course the whole film would be shot on elaborate sets. The school
would be nothing short of Harvard university.
An orchestra would play every time anyone cried.
Slow motion, different camera angles for every scene.
The school uniforms would match the classroom walls even though that
does not make a difference.
The film would cost 60 crores.

If Farah Khan made Taare
Obvious starcast:
SRK as the teacher (yawn).
In the original Taare, Aamir makes an entry at the interval point.
In Farah's version, SRK would be on screen on for 2.30 hrs out of
the 2.45 hrs and would be introduced in the first scene itself.
The story would be changed to make sure the above happened. The
focus of the film would be a teacher who helps a kid fight dyslexia.
To make it a complete entertainer, there would be a romantic angle,
comedy, and action thrown in. Oh idea!! Nikumbh's character likes
another teacher and the kiddo helps him.. throw in some comedy
moments there and you have romance and comedy settled. For action..
hmm.. lemme see.. oh yah, the kid gets kidnapped and the teacher
fights the baddies to save him. Wow!! I'm quite an imaginative
writer. I can see how Farah can write a film from scratch in two
weeks straight.
The film posters would have a big SRK with the tiny image of the kid
in the background.

If Rakesh Roshan made Taare
Obvious starcast:
Hrithik Roshan as the teacher.
Since Rakesh Roshan cannot think beyond science fiction these days,
this film would have that too. Instead of dyslexia, the kid would
have alienositis or something, a condition induced due to him
witnessing an alien abduction.
Instead of Nikumbh being an arts teacher, he would be a physics
teacher, and instead of asking kids to be creative, he would ask
them to challenge the science we know.
In the scene where Nikumbh asks the kids to open their minds and
make whatever they want outdoors, the kid Ishaan, instead of making
a boat, would end up making a working spaceship prototype.
Nikumbh would cure the kids problem by making a full fledged version
of the kid's prototype, traveling to the alien planet, and asking
them to give the kid his powers back.
The film would have music by Rajesh Roshan ripped off from some
world music.
The film's name would again start with a K.. probably ' Kkuch Aliens
Taaron se Zameen Par' .
The director would make sure Hrithik gets to show all his abilities.
This would mean a scene with Roshan jr flexing his muscles, and a
dance competition in the end, instead of an arts competition.

If Priyadarshan made Taare:
Obvious starcast:
Akshay Kumar as the teacher.
Paresh Rawal as the kid's dad.
It would be a brainless comedy. The kid's dyslexia would be made fun
of. Half the times the parents will be running after the kid from
one room to the other and that, in the director's opinion, would be
funny.
The film will be full of sex jokes. So for example, when Akshay
would come to the parents telling them that their son has dyslexia,
the ignorant father would say something inappropriate like 'iss umar
mein? par kaise, woh to hamesha boys school mein padha hai!'. And
yes, the director would think it is funny.
In the climax of the film all the characters in the film would run
around in the amphitheater for no reason, spilling colors on each
other. That's where the film will end, without any logical
conclusion.
And of course, Paresh Rawal would emote like an epileptic himself
making us question the boy's mental abilities anyway.

Contemplations!

I heard that God gives you what you need and not what you want.

It did not make sense then!

And what I’ve realised is that God doesn’t come down by himself in front of us with a board saying "Hi. I'm God. Can I help you?" and with a marching beat playing in the background!

As Paolo Coelho says in 'The Alchemist', "Once you desire something strongly enough, the whole universe conspires to help you achieve it!” Only recently have I started understanding it!

You know what, even nature talks to us! In fact, it hollers at the top of its voice whenever you have need of it!

Last week, I was wondering about how long do we keep trying to finish something which is not getting done. Like everyone, I have a few things in life, which I’ve never been able to actually finish, though I’ve been trying for a long long time.

As every day, I was sitting on the beach and was gazing at the waves, when it suddenly struck me that the Sea was shouting-out-loud "Look at me - I don't give up! Each second, I try again, again and yet again, creating new waves continuously- and I will continue to do so till the end of time!"

Recently, we were at Burra Caves in Araku Valley and there was this stream of water - a thin trickle actually - that has been flowing incessantly for millions of years, eating the stone up and forming all those unimaginable shapes on stalactites and stalagmites! It never gave up!!!

And then, for the first time, I saw a picture at home which said, "In the confrontation between the rock and the stream, the stream always wins in the end - not through strength, but through sheer consistency!"

What was surprising is that the picture has been around for a long long time, but I never noticed it!!!

This happens ever so often - The solution is staring at you in the face, but you never get to notice it till the time comes. What we mean by "till time comes" is till we actually want the solution badly enough!!!

Be it a financial problem, a personal problem or a philosophical problem.

The next time something bothers me, I’m gonna sit on the beach again!!!

Your Tax Form Explained

Paying Tax?? A Special bulletin for your convenience!

How to fill and submit your IT return in the easiest way!

This step by step guide will help you finish filing your Income Tax return in a Jiffy!

Note- Please follow all the instructions carefully.

Ø Firstly, Buy your IT form. Don’t take a photo copy from your friend or ask your auditor. Be responsible. Buy it. Kill piracy.

Ø In column No.1, write your name, surname, middle name, date and exact time of birth, Longitude and Latitude of the place you were born in, distance (in nautical miles) from the nearest IT office and signatures of 4 witnesses present during your birth. The same details need to be furnished in Annexure 12 A for your spouse, children, parents, parents-in-law, spouse’s grand father and of the teacher who taught you Maths in school. You can use Spl annexures 69 K to 70M if 12 A is insufficient. Failure to truthfully submit ALL of the above details will lead to a fine of upto 6,54,780 and/or imprisonment upto 834 years.

Ø Please fill in your employment details in table no 9 on page 46. Start with the work you did as a kid for which your father paid you pocket money. For each job you held, pls furnish proofs of employments which may include office stationery you brought home to gift your kids, personal fuel bills you re-imbursed from the office and fake medical certificates you used, to claim benefit. In Section 43, pls affix photos of yourself in the workplace of each of the employers. You can claim Tax benefit if you produce bill from the studio for these photographs.

Ø If self employed, fill page number 39A if businessman, 46E if a professional, 67K if you work from home and 99ZZ if you don’t really know. Irrespective of your profession, pls submit your electricity bills of the last 56 months so we know you have been continuously inhabiting some place. Also, get your income declaration (column 16 on page 71) counter signed by the District Sanitary inspector and the State Hindi Officer. Your return will not be accepted if any of the above is incomplete.

Ø For all professions (except for retired people), you need to fill a detailed expense statement using atleast 34 pages. Every kind of expenditure ranging from your grocery bill to the money lost in gambling needs to be duly filed in. Make sure that each entry is accompanied by either a bill or the signature of the service provider. Failure to comply can lead to verita-serum injection and truth-machine analyzer tests.

Ø For each Credit Card and Personal Loan you have, Buy additional Form No.184s from the Zonal Income Tax consulate at your state headquarters (No brokers please) and attach them to your main return.

Ø Sign on the dotted lines given on the right side of each page (you will find 26 of them on each page) (Do not sign on the dotted lines on the left- they are perforations so the page can easily be torn). If you cannot see the dotted lines, please visit an ophthalmologist and DO NOT claim Tax Benefit for his consultation bill.

Ø Now that all your documents are in order, take an auto / taxi and bring the whole set to your nearest Income Tax office. There are licensed porters available on the ground floor to haul your return up to the necessary circle office. Using a non-licensed porter is punishable under Section 1132 P, amendment H by a fine upto 647 times of your IT return and / or death by electrocution.

Even after these simple instructions, if you still have any confusions or problems, do not hesitate to call 1800-1456-??? Between 1 am and 1.07 am on Tuesdays. If you cannot reach our helpline, send a mail to nousesending@whocares.com or noonewillreply@gotohell.com.
Sada Aap ki Seva mein!!

Found this bulletin useful?? Do ask our helpline for our recent Spl bulletins on How to Get a Passport before you die, How to get a Birth Certificate in 179 easy steps and How to change address in your ration card within 19 years.

The Aliens are coming!!!!!!

I have made a major discovery!!
Our planet is in mortal peril. Aliens are about to invade us and before they do that directly, they have got a network and a system in place to disrupt our daily lives and to create chaos!!
Don't smile!! I'm serious!
To prove my point, i'll show you daily indications of Alien actions in our lives!!

1. Street lights- From afar we see that the halogen is burning bright, illuminating our path. When we get close, it suddenly turns off! (Alien plan to murder us by creating an accident-zone)

2. At a traffic junction, there is a red light and we're waiting for it to turn green. Suddenly, one hero (or Bozo, whatever you call him) rushes on, beats the red light and surges ahead. Others suddenly realise this smart option and rush on too!! (The first guy is actually an alien agent, like pied piper, who has been sent to lead others to their deaths!)

3. A new shopping mall opens in town, which is selling the bestest, cheapest and most taked about-est stuff in town. When we reach there, we see that there is no parking available at all!! No. the lot is not full, there is no lot!! So, we park the car in what we consider to be the most non-intruding area on the road and go in. When we come out, our car has been towed away!! (This is a cruel alien plan to make us exercise us and also make us fight with our law-enforcement authorities and lose our faith in them!)

4. We are driving out of town on an important work and see a signpost one way indicating 150 Kms and into a bylane indicating 120. So, the smart people we are, we take the 120 kms route and after we reach a distance where we can't turn back any more, suddenly don't see any more route indications, but multiple road junctions every 120 mtrs! We use our brilliant sense of direction and ...... (This is a deep-rooted alien plan with double pronged results- to first make us lose our sense of direction and also to disorient us so we lose our self-respect, dignity and self-image and become frustrated individuals!)

5. We finally decide to go an a diet (as one day we hear the ground beneath our feet groan) and religiously draw up a plan and a roadmap to success! The next day onwards, we start getting invited to parties to Pizza Huts and Tandoori Restaurants (and everyone feels bad if we don't go). At the end of the month, we actually realise that we put on 6 kgs!! (Obviously, this is being done so we are overweight and can't join our forces to fight the alein guys when they attack!)

6. Since a Looooonnnnggggg time, we've been wanting that latest new phone / computer / TV / DVD player / Car / holiday / shoes.... and finally, after taking advice from people who are in no way qualified, decide to plunge in and indulge. Next day morning, we bump into a friend who got the same (if not better) product / model for an unbelievably low price! or, the company itself reduces the price (or declares the model defunct) as if they were just waiting for us to shift their economic orientation! (This tool is used by THEM pretty often as it makes us hate ourselves and also all those unqualified people who advised us!)

7. We know that real estate / shares / mutual funds / gold prices are shooting up. Something sensible (!) inside us stops us from putting in our money and next week, we meet a friend (the one who always copied from us in school and who finally did not graduate) who gleefully tells you that he made an obscene amount exactly on the investment you did not make! (This is a cyclic redundancy cycle put in place by martians to make sure we don't feel good! and this feeling comes with an auto-renewal feature and tomorrow also, we won't invest!!)

God knows there are more, but i need to research them more in depth before i put them up here for the whole world (and the aliens too) to see and realise.

I solemnly affirm that the above information is true to the best of my knowledge!
You have more?? do let me know!!