Weather - always the weather!! (and Khai Muk!)

There are a few things that absolutely don't make sense. And one of them is the American obsession with the weather.

Now, I live in India, and have never been to the USA, but since there are dozens and dozens of people who each of us know, who have gone there and been back, you can't avoid the weather.

I spoke to a friend recently for about 30 mins in all, and over 15 mins of that call was dedicated to the weather. Each time I tried bringing him around to something else, he would get back there! And the funny thing is that it is not about the weather in America (typically someone who comes back after a while would begin every other sentence with 'In the USA....'). We were discussing about the weather in Bangalore and in Visakhapatnam!! Now, one question would have been enough - is it too hot there? or did it rain recently? But no!

Every other sentence the weather had to be brought in.

The famous writer Samuel Johnson remarked - 'It is commonly observed that when two Englishmen meet, their first talk is of the weather; they are in haste to tell each other, what each must already know, that it is hot or cold, bright or cloudy, windy or calm'! It seems that is not just true for Englishmen now.

It is true! When we meet someone, we say - 'too hot today' or something like that, and that serves as a conversation starter.

Is it because there is so little in common that all of us have? Why can't we speak about our own lives or something worthwhile? Already the time that we spend communicating with friends and family is depleted. Once in a while when we get connected, half that time goes blaming the sun god or the rain god, and we end up disconnecting the call all too soon!

Going back to my friend, the final question he asked me was 'Did Khai Muk affect Vizag?'

I pride myself on keeping abreast of all the happenings around the country and the world; and where did this terrorist organization spring up from in my backyard and I did not even know about it!!

Now, Khai Muk is no terrorist organization! It apparently is the name of the latest cyclone to hit the Bay of Bengal, and my friend was astonished to know that I did not know it - in spite of living next to the coast! In our country, we just say 'Did the cyclone hit your city'. We don't call cyclones with names, do we?

Trust the weather to dampen your spirits!!

The Associate - My Review

Like millions of people out there, I am an avid fan of Grisham, and have devoured every single novel he's penned. The Rainmaker introduced me to the legal world, and thanks to him, I now pick up most of the courtroom dramas I see on the bookshelves - irrespective of the author.

When Grisham shifted into non-courtroom sagas, I went over too, and books like Skipping Christmas went much-loved (you can read my review of that book here).

Anyway, when our bookstore announced the arrival of a new Grisham legal thriller, I literally ran over, and picked up a copy. As usual, I won't divulge the plot, but there are some things which should be mentioned.

The break that Grisham took from writing legal stuff clearly shows in this book, and you can't actually call this a pure courtroom saga. Though the protagonist is a lawyer (freshly out of college, which is a Grisham standard), and he works in a firm that bills mega $$$ every hour, The Associate can't actually be called a pure legal thriller.

It is a borderline thriller alright, but one of blackmail. This story could have been written by anyone, and the hero also could have been in any profession. So, if you are looking to get this one for Grisham's specialty in writing legal, you are in for a disappointment. The actual plot is seemingly flimsy, but holds together purely on the merit of Grisham's expertise.

Now for a couple of positives - this is the first novel in which Grisham almost openly condemns the practice of unethical billing that are commonplace in most of the mega firms of today. There are quite a few occasions in which he takes them on in the form of Kyle Mc.Avoy - The Associate. Another good thing is the tacit story telling - which is Grisham's strength really - and where he does not introduce unnecessary characters just for the sake of it.

Over everything else, the ending disappoints big time! As I read the book, I thought of a dozen different endings as i went on, but the ending is a real let down! If there ever were a squibber, this is the one. 

All true Grisham fans will anyway read this book. If you are borderline fan, pick something else. Though the book is ok, it is certainly not Grisham standard.

Shamelessness has a new address!

With the elections literally around the corner, everyone has some kind of an opinion to offer. Every single person I meet has a different survey result with him and predicts a different count altogether! Anyway, this blog post is not to talk about the outcome of the elections, but the blatant shamelessness I just witnessed.

I have nothing against any political party - and I would rather vote for a person rather than a party. However, I just saw this ad on a website and could not help but be amazed. With Advaniji's blog becoming very popular (www.lkadvani.in), every politician worth his salt has created an online version of himself, and the same for parties too. I just saw a banner ad of the Congress party linking to the website of the party, and the mesages flashing across the banner actually made me think about this post's title. Here are the 3 things the ad talks about

1. Nuclear Energy
2. Voting rights for the youth
3. Mission Chandrayaan

Now, the first one is atleast ok - taking into consideration the fact that Manmohanji just managed to scrape through; and the energy won't be visible for atleast another 10 years - if everything goes to plan and the Congress remains in power!

The second one actually made me laugh. Voting rights for the youth?? What did the ad maker think? What is the role of the Congress is getting people to tide over the age of 18 so that they can become part of the electoral rolls? Voting rights for the youth indeed! Ouch!

And Mission Chandrayaan is the height. When did the project for Mission Chandrayaan start? To be precise, the announcement was made in Jan 2004, and the planning was going on much before that. Congress came to power in May 2004, and they shamelessly claim credit for Chandrayaan?? 

There is yet another feather in the cap of stupidity for this government. I saw a TV ad last night, which said - 'Help India become strong against terrorism. Weeding out the terrorists is only possible with the Congress in power'. God Save India! Is the Congress so horribly short of election promises that it blatantly lifts the slogans from the BJP and others? And any literate Indian will know that the reason why Terrorism is so rampant today is because of the shamefully weak government at the centre.

Now tell me - is the title of this post wrong? The Congress has just slipped down a couple more notches in my survey!

The sky is falling?

Cheif Vitalstatistix from the Asterix comics has only one mortal fear - That the sky will fall on his head tomorrow. 

It is this fear that he has been living with, and since tomorrow never comes, he and the rest of the famous gauls are all safe (except from the dreadful singing of Cacafonix).

Now, why are we talking of this gleeful chief now?

Every day for the last couple of months, I have been meeting people who are Indian (and a few foreign) personifications of the cartoon. No offense meant, but most of those people seem caught up in the 'recession' fever, much like the man on top of the shield is caught up on the sky falling over his head.

Now, it is not that there is no recession; but atleast in our part of the world, things are not as bad as they are put to be. 

Sure, some sectors have been hit, and there are going to be a few more that are going to be hit badly in the coming months. But then, is this something new to us? If we call India the IT capital of the world, or atleast the outsourcing capital of the world, we have already been through 2 'slowdowns' in the last ten years since the sector has started in the country.

In the year 2002, the chips were so down that large companies - both in the Silicon Valley and in India had to close down or turn to their BPO divisions to scrape through. But after the slowdown, we have had a speed up of unforseen proportions! Millions of people became millionaires on the stock market, and tens of millions of people suddenly became the 'hip and happening' IT crowd all across the country. If you were not in software, you were not fit to be a part of the marriage market anymore! Banks ran behind these guys and behind the infrastructure companies to give loans of unheardof capitalizations!

Anyway, like the old Red Indian saying, 'What goes up comes down' and the higher they jump, the harder they fall. If you think honestly, did people not know that this was going to come to a more realistic and stable phase? Are we fools enough to invest in the stock market when it was at 21000 expecting it to cross 50000 (many of us apparently were)? Some genuises gave predictions that the Indian stock market would cross 50000! God save India!!

There I go again!

Coming back on track, the recession is not actually a recession. Like the analysts say to appease their viewers, this is a 'correction', and something that needs to happen once in a while so that other sectors come to the fore. Nature's balance is a phenomenal thing, and if there are too many rats running around, the cat should be let out. (Bad analogy!! I Know; but you get the point don't you?)

Every other person I meet talks about the recession coming in and hitting his business! This is like a lovely story we read while we were kids. 

One guy had a sweet shop and was doing great business. With the money he earned, he sent his son to IIM-A, and during his vacation, the son went home. One day, while sitting at the shop, the son told the father - Dad, recession is coming, we need to cut costs and focus on our core competency. Let's not spend money, and wait till the recession tides over. Poor dad agreed with his IIM son, and stopped giving offers. He stopped advertising, and started turning off lights to save power. He reduced the number of sweets being made, and the display cases started looking drab and empty. Footfalls into the shop reduced and in a couple of weeks, business was terrible. Dad looked at son and said 'thank god that you warned me in advance; else I would have been doomed".

Strikes a chord, doesn't it? 

The sky is not falling! Recession or 'slowdowns' are a part of our economic radar, and if Warren Buffet can be confident of tiding this over after losing billions of dollars in the last few months, what are we?

Cheer up! Read a few Asterix comics if you'd like. As they don't say, The chief is not always right!

The abuse of adjectives!

How much of the news on TV is actually 'Breaking'?

How can every performance become 'Amazing'?

How can every government be the 'Worst'?

Who ever invented adjectives would surely be turning over and over in his grave!

It is so confusing to note that every single description becomes superlative. What has ever happened to the other degrees of comparision in English?

Actually, this article is targeted at myself. I just realized that I have been using adjectives left, right, and centre without actually thinking whether they are apt. The simple rule is that the sentence should stick - that's it! And not just me, everyone in sales will agree that the usage of superlatives is the most common way to go. Recently, we saw a small road side dhaba which advertised that it sold the 'Best Punjabi food in India'! There are thousands of brands which give you the 'Best value for your money! There are dozens of 'Simply the best's' around. 

Now, this usage of adjectives is not meant to be grammatically correct. It is just that it needs to be there - that's all.

Writing sales copy has become so much a part of life that everyday English also has taken the same form. A movie is either extra-ordinary or is horrendous. There is a vague 'alright' in between, and all the other adjectives can go take a hike.

The difference between synonymous words such as 'Excellent, Marvellous, Extra-ordinary, Outstanding, Superb, Stupendous, Ultimate, Amazing, Spectacular, Fabulous, Fantastic, Tremendous, Exceptional, Magnificent' and such words has become so blurred that dictionaries should consider taking off some of the words - since they anyway don't mean anything different! 

It is probably because of this merging of words that the first degree words are making a serious come back. Simple words come with a pre or a post script and they become the best adjective. Phrases like 'Seriously Good' and 'Beautiful, really!' have gained a better value than the flowery words mentioned above.

With everything becoming sensational, this can only go one way! God save us from our English!!

Why is the success rate among freelancers so low!

Freelancing has been around for a very long time, and self employed professionals have been working from home (or from some place they prefer) for hundreds of years actually.

For millions of people, the ultimate dream is to work from home. And several thousand actually take the step each week. Just try a search phrase like 'work from home' on Google and you will see billions of search results! Most of them are designed to skim money off gullible people who try getting into freelancing in a hurry - and out of a sense of desperation. But then, not all of them are bad; there are some genuinely good opportunities out there, but thanks to the search patterns, they end up on page 1,865 of Google!

There we go again! We are off track and going somewhere else. Actually, in this article, I wanted to talk about why the success rate among freelancers is so low. If one is serious about getting into a work from home (or a freelancing) position, he will get through somewhere. But most of the people who got into freelancing are either cribbing that this won't work; or have gone back to full time work once more. The reason is actually very simple and can be defined in one phrase

•  Lack of Priorities.
  

That is all.

I won't call it laziness, as that is also a result of a lack of priorities. There is a management theory called 'Carrot and Stick' which most of us must have come across some place. While working for an organization, either directly or subtly, the carrot and the stick come into play. However, while working at your convenience, you need to have the strength of character to actually put a carrot and stick for yourself. The most usual answer is 'Let's do it tomorrow - anyway I don't need to go to work'; and tomorrow never comes. The work keeps getting piled up, and the quality suffers when we aspire to do a whole bunch at one shot. Forget about the client complaining, our conscience tells us that we have done a shabby job and our self-esteem comes down one more bit. When this happens again and again, we start seeing ourself as a failure in the field, and once more out of desperation we get back into a full time job.

Now, prioritizing is not something new to us. When we worked full time, we prioritized our work ahead of everything else. The boss came up in front of wife, kids and everything actually. When we turn freelance, the first thing that comes to boil is the liberating sense of freedom. The feeling is nice, but immediately behind it are the monthly bills. With no secure paycheck to fall back on, unless we get serious from month one, things will start spiraling out of control, and the safe cushy job will beckon once more. All the dreams of freedom and independence fly out of the window, and the boss appears once more as the angel of mercy!

How do I know all of this? I have been freelancing for over 8 years now, and have gone through this cycle not once but dozens of times (I'm a little slow on catching up, you see!). If you are looking to get into freelancing, the best way would probably be to begin on the side along with your profession (Yes, it is tough, but is worth it) and then decide depending on the results.

There's lots of other things to talk about, but not now. Will talk some other day.

Kudos to all the freelancers who have struck this balance. 

Pic credit - Corbis

Go Ahead - Raise our Taxes!

Why does this happen so often in India? 

Almost the entire country has been brought to a grinding halt thanks to a group of employees who decide that this is the way to fulfill their demands - and you know what, they will get what they demand too!

When the phrase 'Government Servants' comes into play, who pays their salaries? No. Not the government. It is the people who pay their salaries by means of taxes, and all the different kinds of them - Income Tax, Sales Tax, Value Added Tax, Tax Deducted at Source, Service Tax, Surcharge, Luxury Tax, Entertainment Tax, Expenditure Tax, Property Tax, Land Tax, Registration Tax, Toll Tax, Capital gains Tax, Minimum alternative Tax, Tax on distributed profits, Excise Tax, Customs Tax, and god knows how many more taxes we end up paying!!! This is the money that is getting paid, and while all the babus get pay commissions, we get tax revisions!

There is something more criminal - doctors and teachers striking and absconding from duties in the name of rebellion.

How the hell can a doctor strike for a salary? Seriously, Hippocrates must be turning over and over in his grave each time this happens, and it does happen pretty often here. Same thing for a teacher - how can a teacher strike for a salary revision? The next time the government raises a tax slab, let's all strike!

The problem in India is that we are all way too spiritual. Actually, it is not a problem; but then it is! We take everything in our stride, and this is where we end up. Transport employees strike once every few weeks, airline employees strike once every few months, bank employees strike once every couple of months (with our money under their lock and key), teachers and doctors strike once every few hours, and communists strike several times each minute! Actually, these people should fill out their resume as 'Professional Strikers'.

How in god's name can people strike so many times? Yesterday and Today, we have had no petrol. So, while paying our taxes this year, can we pro-rate deduct the tax of two days and pay? That should be acceptable, isn't it?

The roads that have been dug up have not been filled for the last one year. So, let's not pay tax this year! Now, clapping is done with both hands, isn't it?

But I guess the solution lies in rising our taxes, and not reducing them. Like in countries such as Denmark and Australia, which take around 50% of incomes as taxes, India should also formulate a tax structure like that. But, healthcare, education, insurance, social security, inflation protection, and minimum employement guarantee are the government's responsibilities. If those are not undertaken, even the present 30% or so is way too much! When we think like a businessman, what is the return on investment for our taxes? Zilch! or something thereabout.

The next time I meet a government officer talking trash, I'll ask him this. HE CANNOT STRIKE.