The Syringe and the Showerhead

At home, we have a showerhead which keeps getting blocked due to the poor quality of ground water supplied by the city. Of the hundred or so holes, every day a few get blocked, and in a few days, there's just a trickle that comes out of it.

Earlier, my idea was to use a safety pin (since the nozzles are narrow and difficult to get to) to poke them out once in a few days. For convenience, I used to leave the safety pin in the bathroom. Then I realized that because of the moisture all around, the pin itself would rust in a week or two, and would break when I try to clear out the blocked nozzles. Also, because of the rust, it would not fit into the holes any longer, and would be discarded.

So I racked by brain, and came up with the brilliant thought of using a medical syringe. The good thing about the syringe is that it is sturdier than a pin, and is longer too - capable of pushing the sediments further away. But because it is longer, it would bend if I don't bring it out carefully, and the next nozzle would be difficult to get into.

However, since it is still better than the rusted old safety pin, I'm still with the syringe, probably for lack of a better option.

___________________________

Now, allow me to introduce you to the cast of characters in my analogy -

Showerhead - The awesome Indian Government

Safety Pin - All those poor people who did their bit to try and repair the system

Syringe - Arvind Kejriwal - for now :)

Bathroom - Our Society

Corny, right? Apologies for that. I've been thinking about this analogy for several months now - ever since my safety pins started rusting and breaking off. If you have the time, go back and read through the short analogy once again, and you'll see what I mean. Makes for some delightful reading.

Not that I take Arvind Kejriwal, and the team of people who're dedicating their lives to the cause of good governance, lightly. I love them, respect them, follow them on Twitter, 'like' most of the things they put up on FaceBook, and feel guilty each time they dare to oppose a wrong-doing which I support by default. I'm like most other Indians.

But then, the whole environment is that of a bathroom - moist. Feels fresh for a few minutes, and then becomes terribly uncomfortable. When we are struck by a malady that forces us to spend long durations of time in the area, we start hating it. And if - God forbid - we're required to clean it, we pay people handsomely to do it on our behalf! Anything to get away from the task.

The cause is great! It is a fabulous topic to discuss over coffee, and makes for some awesome fights on Social Media. But using the syringe every day, and that too without proper precaution, renders it unusable. When that happens, the syringe also joins the discarded pile of rusted pins. Yes, it is taller than the rest, it is shinier than most, and probably has been loved, respected, and used more than the rest, but the pile is the same.

Then we buy a new syringe. Or probably someone reading this post will suggest a better alternative, which will give me a showerhead that works as it is supposed to. 

An open letter to Dr. Chiranjeevi

Dear Dr. Chiranjeevi,

Happy Birthday!

My whole generation has grown up watching your films, and for us, you are the undisputed superstar. Every dialogue you spoke on the screen went into our vocabulary, and every dance move you made (and there were quite a few brilliant ones) were practiced for hours in front of mirrors. Almost every actor who came into the industry over the last few decades wanted to become a Chiranjeevi, and even today, your fan base remains legendary.

And not just in movies, your success story inspired millions to follow their dreams, and hundreds of them landed up in Hyderabad every week wanting to walk in your footsteps. You set a precedent by doing them all - negative roles, comedy films (which I think were your best), pot-boiler actions, and of course, evergreen romances. We stood for hours in queues to get tickets for your films, and if we were lucky enough to get a first-day seat, we were heroes in our own circles!

The way you came back after a false start to your second innings is a lesson to all actors. You moved effortlessly into characters which respected your age, without losing the sheen of a hero, and we all love you for it. There were a few bad film decisions you took before coming back strongly, but you did not lose it there.

Your entry into politics was well timed too, and I was part of the vote bank that thought you could repeat what NTR did in the 80s. In fact, we wished that with all our heart. And you even spoke about a Fourth Front at the center! But that was not to happen. It is painfully obvious that you did not have the best of counsel, and even I did not vote for your candidate when the elections came around. You've always set an example, and in politics also, you showed people how to throw it all away. Even the most politically unlettered would know that you've sort of lost your way after winning only those 18. Throughout your career, you've come back after being written off. You played bit roles in large films and large roles in bit films before taking the Telugu film industry to new heights. You've never given up; but then politics was probably a different ballgame. 

Losing the elections and throwing all our dreams away (which you gave wings to in your election speeches and through your manifesto) is pardonable. What is unforgivable is your giving in to temptation and power.

Somewhere along the way, you've lost sight of what you planned to accomplish - provided you were given the reins of the state. Or you probably never had a vision and were just reading out a speech. When a normal politician, who's made politics his career, changes allegiances and joins the same people he was mercilessly flaying till yesterday, we take it in our stride, and laugh it away as 'politics'. But then when you floated a party, we did not want another politician! We have too many of those. The state wanted someone like NTR who would change the entire playing field, and work genuinely for the good of the people atleast for a few years. How did you miss that? And thanks to your joining your erstwhile enemy, all those poor fellas who betted their all on your party became proper politicians too. 

But then that isn't the crux of this letter. It is to invite you back into what you do best. The biscuit you've been thrown will expire in a few years, and it is obvious that there's no more coming. Come back into films and look to serve the society through it! The industry always has place for Chiranjeevi. It gave you a Padma Bhushan, it gave you a Doctorate, it rewarded you with 9 Filmfare awards and 4 Nandis. Your fans are loyal. They'll all come flocking back. And you anyway have a few careers to mould. Leave politics, sir. You tried, but it is evident that you did not fit in. And don't contest the next elections - on any banner. Instead, float a different banner this time, and make a few good films! There are many voices waiting to be heard - great storytellers that are waiting to be discovered. Put them up on the screen. There is three decades of experience you've got in this - you can't lose! And come back to entertaining people. Give us another Chantabbai. Make another Rudraveena. Do another Indra.

You've come back several times in your career. Do it once again - it is time to leave that non-starter behind. We're sure there's a few good years left in you yet. Put it to good use. We're absolutely not interested in seeing you wave from a tricolored touring van. Give us back the Chiru we all love and respect. Please accept that this political journey of yours is a flop. Don't look to re-release it with new screenplay. This year's birthday has been a real damp squib. Let the next one bring us greater joy.

Jai Hind.

Heroes are made!

Recently, CNN-IBN ran a marathon campaign to identify and recognize the Greatest Indian since Mahatma Gandhi. There were a lot of names in the fray, most of them ones we expected to be on the list. Cutting a long story short, the finale decided that the Greatest Indian since 1947 had to be Dr B R Ambedkar, and that is where this article starts.

How many of us really know Dr Ambedkar? I'm not passing judgement on whether he's deserving of the sobriquet in this article. But then really, what I know of the man is only what I heard or read of him, and from the speeches people give each year on his birthday and gave a while ago for his centenary. The same is true of most people who were on that list. How many of us really know Sam Manekshaw, or for that matter, the real Sunil Gavaskar? The show had about 2 crore votes cast, and considering the stats that about 50% of our country is below the age of 35, at least half those votes would have been cast by people who did not really know the above mentioned people, including the winner. Honestly, we don't even really 'know' Lata Mangeshkar, Ustad Bismillah Khan, Milkha Singh, DhyanChand. What we know of the political class (which make up the bulk of the list obviously) is only what we studies in the Civics text books of school. Most of the voters in the fray wouldn't have gained any direct inspiration from these people. Yet they voted!

Ok, i'm getting ahead of myself here. Coming back to what I wanted to say, this brings to the fore an issue which is quite contradicting in itself. Most of the 'heroes' we've had growing up are ones who've been fostered on us by our earlier generation. We've got our own generation's heroes, and i'm sure we'll feed them to our next gen. This cycle will continue, and the world will live happily ever after. 

So does that mean i'm right in saying that heroes are made? And not consciously either! There is a game played by communication skill trainers the world over, called Chinese Whispers. The game involves a passing of messages from person to person, and the end result is often hilarious and the message they start with is entirely different by the time it reaches the last guy in line. The same is probably true of hero-making too. A great-grandfather, who probably did nothing more than to stand among thousands at a train station while the Mahatma waved from a passing train, becomes a close associate of Gandhiji by the time the story reaches today's kids as a bed-time story, and yet another anecdote becomes a legend. And a hero is born - much after the real person has left this world!

It is logical, right? And there is nothing wrong in it either. Just a way to ascertain our position in the world of today, as we are what we perceive ourselves to be. Malcolm Gladwell would probably have a thought point and a term for this phenomenon. Our past is our identity, and our future stems from the inspiration we derive of our bygone eras. Legends are what hold our past together, and there is always space for heroes in our past.

Meanwhile, we've crowned a legend from our grandparents' generation as the greatest Indian. I'm certain that when this same exercise is repeated for India's centenary of independence, some icon from our generation - probably a Sachin Tendulkar or an Amitabh Bachchan, or god forbid, some politician from today - will be crowned as the next legend. And the story goes on :)

The curious case of the Greek Aid

In the immensely popular cartoon series Chhota Bheem, there is an episode in which the Greek strongman Hercules comes to India to challenge our mighty Bheem in a contest. Dr Manmohan Singh probably watched that episode (thanks to Pogo's relentless telecasts), and he would have thought that the Greek and us have been friends since eternity!

This could have given rise to the munificence shown by MMS and our government.

Otherwise, how can we imagine giving out 55000 Crores to bail out Greece, at a stage when the Rupee is at its lowest, the GDP is debilitating, half the country is hit by drought (and the other half is reeling under floods), the government is in shambles, and we're not far away from an Egypt-style uprising against the inefficiencies of the rulers! 55000 Crores - wow!!

I've been trying to think of a few Greeks who've played some part in our history, and I can't seem to recollect anyone in the modern era! Yes, there's Plato and Aristotle who've given us various schools of thought, there's Megasthenes who's documented a part of our Indian history, and of course, Pythagorus, who is responsible for a third of the Maths torture which all Indian students are subjected to. If there were any good left in the world, Greece should have sent in a few thousand crores to try and make up for inventing Trigonometry.

Every single state in the country has a file pending with the center, requesting for special funds to either rescue them from some disaster or to support them in some pending project. While the 20000 Crore write-off which Mamata Banerjee asked the government may seem unjustified, most other requests deserve merit. There's no power in the country, there's no water, agriculture is at its ebb, and infrastructure is completely stalled. Yes, scoring brownie points with the European Union may bring in good tidings in the future, but not at a situation when the whole country is reeling from an economy in shambles! 55000 Crores, to be put into perspective, is more than the budget of most of our states, is more than the revised scam figure of 2G spectrum, is more than what Delhi spent for hosting the CommonWealth Games! A more relatable stat would be that each of our 790 esteemed members of parliament (Lok Sabha + Rajya Sabha) could siphon off 70 crores each, and the country would be none too worse! I wonder why they did not think of that fact.

If we had to help someone out to gain good karma, why not look closer to home? Nepal recycles the trash we drop on Mt. Everest, Sri Lanka entertains us with good cricket, and Pakistan keeps our Security forces employed. Afghanistan provides us with a chief guest for Republic Day, Thailand takes care of our travelers' kinkiness, and even Bhutan deserves some help by virtue of being our silent-est neighbor. But Greece?

Strange are the ways of our poor excuse of a government. My logic would be that since Greece and Italy are neighbors (the are separated by just 150 miles of the ocean), the woman at the helm would have wanted to 'Help Thy Neighbor'. We can only thank god that a crisis hasn't befallen Italy - or our whole country (or what is left of it) would have been pawned off to bail Italy out!!

And meanwhile on Pogo, Chhota Bheem defeats Hercules, and makes friends with him, with promises that Hercules will come to Bheem's aid when needed. I can only pray that Pogo changes to some other cartoon, for next up is Bheem's trip to China!!

Rising from the Sands!

It is quite amazing, really. In fact, it is more than amazing - it is disconcerting. 

The flight is skimming over the desert with nothing but hundreds of miles of sand in all directions, and suddenly we see a huge set of skyscrapers jut out of nowhere! There are beautifully paved black roads that crisscross the sands, and even frightening - there suddenly appears a large traffic island with lush green manicured lawns!!

Welcome to Doha. 

Or rather, welcome to the Middle East, where make-believe is the reality. 

Travelers have always said that nothing can quite prepare you for the flood of oil prosperity that is visible all over the region. And they are right! Though we know that petro dollars buy prosperity like nothing else, it is still quite astonishing to see the creation sprout up right under your plane's wings! 

Honestly, this area was never meant by god to be this lush. But in modern times, God can always be convinced to change his intentions! When we think about it, it suddenly strikes us that not one thing in this my-building-highest world of showmanship would have been procured locally - save the sandstone which is available in plenty in the deserts. Every other thing would have been shipped from elsewhere, and that one realization itself is enough for us to understand why this is by far the world's most prosperous marketplace. The manager of the hotel i'm staying at tells me that each morning two plane loads of veggies are unloaded at Doha, in addition to all those hundreds of trucks which plow through the desert all night; and it is perfectly logical. What will people eat otherwise? Construction is happening like crazy. Almost every building in the city has a crane mounted on top, proving that there are greater heights to be scaled. 

Man's resourcefulness knows no bounds. Any mere mortal, looking at the spread of the desert, would have been frightened away to take up farming or sheep-rearing in their homeland. But then, these are no mere mortals! These are white-clad-super-humans fortified with petroleum! And when there is oil, everything else will follow suit! America provides Air Defence. The world's leading airlines joust for space and are willing to pay top dollar for a couple more parking slots. The port is choc-a-bloc with ships taking oil out and bringing everything else in, and there are hundreds more waiting out there to get a berth. No where else in the world does money have so much power - so blatantly!

But then that isn't a bad thing. We all love our money, and hoard it secretly! Here, it is openly put for display, and the world gawks.

Philosophically, the desert will claim all of this back sometime. There have been feudal lords that ruled over these sands hundreds of years ago, and most of their footprint has been lost in the movement of the dunes. The same is bound to happen again, and this time, the desert will have a tougher time, since Larsen and Toubro is at the helm of things, but take back it will! And in spite of that knowledge, there is so much money flowing around, it is fabulous!

You can't but love the Middle East. Flaunting is an art, and these people are its best known ambassadors.

Too intelligent for their own good

We often talk about Indian advertising being among the best in the world - and it is true too. Some of the world's most creative ads have come out of the Indian advertising agencies, and we continue to churn out some mind-boggling stuff each year!

But then, once in a while, our people become too intelligent for their own good, and the ad goes bouncer to the watching millions! The latest campaign of Vodafone is a classic such case.

Usually, Vodafone comes up with some amazing pieces of advertising - Zoozoos and The Pug campaigns have hit off brilliantly! The last one with the children wasn't up there, but the latest one - featuring the Chicken Vs Penguin Fun Fair campaign is quite strange! Really.

If you haven't watched it yet (which is possible only if you haven't been watching IPL at all), here it is again - 

Now, the purpose of this ad is to say that Internet is Fun on Vodafone. If you watched this for the first time, you may wonder what this has to do with the concept at all. Ogilvy is a smart company and hence they made sure that the ad comes up at least once every few minutes - allowing viewers to assimilate the information, and hopefully, catch on to what they wanted to convey in this strange roundabout campaign. If you watch closely, you'll see that the rollers on which the Chicken and Penguin have a race are attached to a scroll within the television set between them, and as they run, the scroll runs along, and up comes a trophy for the Chicken - when the morose anchor says that 'Chicken Wins'. Wow! Now why does another team have to blast them with jets of water is anyone's guess.

Why do internet ads all have to be so immensely confusing? Reliance takes us to a whole new level by getting a guy to open his knots and rush out of a car stranded on the way of a speeding train - all while watching a how-to video using the Dongle. Amazing, huh!

The TVC of Vodafone for IPL5 says that this is a series of 8 advertisements which will come up as the tournament progresses. We only hope that the next ones aren't as 'intelligent'. Go, folks - take a tip from the people who make ads for Pidilite - especially the chap that made the Fevikwik ad with five fish stuck to a little piece of wood. 

Bring 'em back!

Water for Elephants - My Review

I absolutely love Circuses. Not just going to them, but reading about them. One of my all time nostalgic memories remains Mr Galliano's Circus from the spectacular Enid Blyton.

Not just for me, for most people, circuses trigger nostalgic memories, with views of the big top, trumpets, the wooden sleeper benches, and of the ring, spread over with saw dust. With circuses going bust all the time, the nostalgia factor only becomes larger!

Water for Elephants is an amazing piece of writing; for it is not set in circuses of our time. Instead, Sara Gruen chose to head back to the days of the Great Depression in the United States, and weaves a story about a train circus. There is a short interview with the author as an add-on to the book, and she says that the story came to her while reading a little news article about a train circus back then. Kudos to her for having the guts to write such a poignant story!

Another factor which makes the book extra special is that it is one of the few successfully published novels from the Na-No-Wri-Mo program (The National Novel Writing Month), which is an amazing idea for all aspiring writers. Some day hopefully, I'll work out the discipline to become a part of the program!

Coming to the book, Water for Elephants is centered around the life of Jacob Jankowski, a student of Veterinary medicine, whose life takes a strange turn and he lands up on the train of The Benzini Brothers Most Spectacular Show on Earth!

Every page of the book is filled with research. Sara must have spent thousands of hours to make sure she's creating an accurate image of America in the 1930s, and she does a phenomenal job. By the time we're halfway through the book, we are all experts in the socio-economic situation of the country in that era - and that is no small achievement!

The real magic of the book is the way the writer oscillates between the present and the past. The story actually starts with Jacob being a man in his nineties, living in an assisted-living facility. Throughout the book, the writer jerks us back to the present into the eccentricities of old people in the home. And in a few minutes, we are again thrown into the circus ring of the 1930s. Beautiful piece of writing!

All good books have a strong plot, and this one is no different. The plot of the book takes us through the day to day struggles of a circus trying its best to stay afloat in different times, and the crux is a love story! Each time we're brought back to the present, the story moves along to its next phase. Sara has made sure that the book doesn't lose pace anywhere, and every single character gets its due - from Uncle Al - who owns the circus, to August - who has the most complex character in the book. All the facets of human life - love, laughter, friendship, rage, fear, and victory, are etched throughout the story - making it a rich read.

This is a book you must get your hands on. Water for Elephants was also made into a movie, and that is next on my to-watch list.