Your Tax Form Explained

Paying Tax?? A Special bulletin for your convenience!

How to fill and submit your IT return in the easiest way!

This step by step guide will help you finish filing your Income Tax return in a Jiffy!

Note- Please follow all the instructions carefully.

Ø Firstly, Buy your IT form. Don’t take a photo copy from your friend or ask your auditor. Be responsible. Buy it. Kill piracy.

Ø In column No.1, write your name, surname, middle name, date and exact time of birth, Longitude and Latitude of the place you were born in, distance (in nautical miles) from the nearest IT office and signatures of 4 witnesses present during your birth. The same details need to be furnished in Annexure 12 A for your spouse, children, parents, parents-in-law, spouse’s grand father and of the teacher who taught you Maths in school. You can use Spl annexures 69 K to 70M if 12 A is insufficient. Failure to truthfully submit ALL of the above details will lead to a fine of upto 6,54,780 and/or imprisonment upto 834 years.

Ø Please fill in your employment details in table no 9 on page 46. Start with the work you did as a kid for which your father paid you pocket money. For each job you held, pls furnish proofs of employments which may include office stationery you brought home to gift your kids, personal fuel bills you re-imbursed from the office and fake medical certificates you used, to claim benefit. In Section 43, pls affix photos of yourself in the workplace of each of the employers. You can claim Tax benefit if you produce bill from the studio for these photographs.

Ø If self employed, fill page number 39A if businessman, 46E if a professional, 67K if you work from home and 99ZZ if you don’t really know. Irrespective of your profession, pls submit your electricity bills of the last 56 months so we know you have been continuously inhabiting some place. Also, get your income declaration (column 16 on page 71) counter signed by the District Sanitary inspector and the State Hindi Officer. Your return will not be accepted if any of the above is incomplete.

Ø For all professions (except for retired people), you need to fill a detailed expense statement using atleast 34 pages. Every kind of expenditure ranging from your grocery bill to the money lost in gambling needs to be duly filed in. Make sure that each entry is accompanied by either a bill or the signature of the service provider. Failure to comply can lead to verita-serum injection and truth-machine analyzer tests.

Ø For each Credit Card and Personal Loan you have, Buy additional Form No.184s from the Zonal Income Tax consulate at your state headquarters (No brokers please) and attach them to your main return.

Ø Sign on the dotted lines given on the right side of each page (you will find 26 of them on each page) (Do not sign on the dotted lines on the left- they are perforations so the page can easily be torn). If you cannot see the dotted lines, please visit an ophthalmologist and DO NOT claim Tax Benefit for his consultation bill.

Ø Now that all your documents are in order, take an auto / taxi and bring the whole set to your nearest Income Tax office. There are licensed porters available on the ground floor to haul your return up to the necessary circle office. Using a non-licensed porter is punishable under Section 1132 P, amendment H by a fine upto 647 times of your IT return and / or death by electrocution.

Even after these simple instructions, if you still have any confusions or problems, do not hesitate to call 1800-1456-??? Between 1 am and 1.07 am on Tuesdays. If you cannot reach our helpline, send a mail to nousesending@whocares.com or noonewillreply@gotohell.com.
Sada Aap ki Seva mein!!

Found this bulletin useful?? Do ask our helpline for our recent Spl bulletins on How to Get a Passport before you die, How to get a Birth Certificate in 179 easy steps and How to change address in your ration card within 19 years.

The Aliens are coming!!!!!!

I have made a major discovery!!
Our planet is in mortal peril. Aliens are about to invade us and before they do that directly, they have got a network and a system in place to disrupt our daily lives and to create chaos!!
Don't smile!! I'm serious!
To prove my point, i'll show you daily indications of Alien actions in our lives!!

1. Street lights- From afar we see that the halogen is burning bright, illuminating our path. When we get close, it suddenly turns off! (Alien plan to murder us by creating an accident-zone)

2. At a traffic junction, there is a red light and we're waiting for it to turn green. Suddenly, one hero (or Bozo, whatever you call him) rushes on, beats the red light and surges ahead. Others suddenly realise this smart option and rush on too!! (The first guy is actually an alien agent, like pied piper, who has been sent to lead others to their deaths!)

3. A new shopping mall opens in town, which is selling the bestest, cheapest and most taked about-est stuff in town. When we reach there, we see that there is no parking available at all!! No. the lot is not full, there is no lot!! So, we park the car in what we consider to be the most non-intruding area on the road and go in. When we come out, our car has been towed away!! (This is a cruel alien plan to make us exercise us and also make us fight with our law-enforcement authorities and lose our faith in them!)

4. We are driving out of town on an important work and see a signpost one way indicating 150 Kms and into a bylane indicating 120. So, the smart people we are, we take the 120 kms route and after we reach a distance where we can't turn back any more, suddenly don't see any more route indications, but multiple road junctions every 120 mtrs! We use our brilliant sense of direction and ...... (This is a deep-rooted alien plan with double pronged results- to first make us lose our sense of direction and also to disorient us so we lose our self-respect, dignity and self-image and become frustrated individuals!)

5. We finally decide to go an a diet (as one day we hear the ground beneath our feet groan) and religiously draw up a plan and a roadmap to success! The next day onwards, we start getting invited to parties to Pizza Huts and Tandoori Restaurants (and everyone feels bad if we don't go). At the end of the month, we actually realise that we put on 6 kgs!! (Obviously, this is being done so we are overweight and can't join our forces to fight the alein guys when they attack!)

6. Since a Looooonnnnggggg time, we've been wanting that latest new phone / computer / TV / DVD player / Car / holiday / shoes.... and finally, after taking advice from people who are in no way qualified, decide to plunge in and indulge. Next day morning, we bump into a friend who got the same (if not better) product / model for an unbelievably low price! or, the company itself reduces the price (or declares the model defunct) as if they were just waiting for us to shift their economic orientation! (This tool is used by THEM pretty often as it makes us hate ourselves and also all those unqualified people who advised us!)

7. We know that real estate / shares / mutual funds / gold prices are shooting up. Something sensible (!) inside us stops us from putting in our money and next week, we meet a friend (the one who always copied from us in school and who finally did not graduate) who gleefully tells you that he made an obscene amount exactly on the investment you did not make! (This is a cyclic redundancy cycle put in place by martians to make sure we don't feel good! and this feeling comes with an auto-renewal feature and tomorrow also, we won't invest!!)

God knows there are more, but i need to research them more in depth before i put them up here for the whole world (and the aliens too) to see and realise.

I solemnly affirm that the above information is true to the best of my knowledge!
You have more?? do let me know!!